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Help for New Pastors-Planning a Funeral

/ Richard Bargas / 1 Comment

Although there isn’t a substitute for actually conducting a funeral yourself, it is possible to be better prepared to have those conversations that will make for a better memorial and graveside service. Like many things in pastoral ministry, after struggling to figure out how to do something as a new pastor, I figured out a way that worked for me and then standardized a format that made my “system” repeatable.

After being contacted by a church member or someone who has lost a loved one, it is best to set a day and time as soon as possible to meet together to talk about planning their service(s). Because most people have been to a funeral, we can assume that they might have some idea about how they would want the service of their loved one to be ordered. That assumption is almost 99% incorrect. Most people have no idea how a service should be ordered, what elements they might want to include, who they want to speak, or even how long they want the service to be.

We obviously think about the need for comfort as a part of ministering to those who are mourning, but part of bringing comfort is helping the loved ones walk through a very confusing and difficult time by leading and guiding them through a very scary and unfamiliar process.

I developed my Funeral Service Planner as a way of walking through the typical services that people desire for a funeral, including a viewing/wake, memorial service, and graveside service. I not only ask about the particular elements that the family might want, but I also mark the order of each element in the service as well as which family members will be involved. The lines to the right are for names of those involved, including the pastor, if desired. The short lines to the left of service elements are to place a number for the order of the element when it will occur in the service.

Viewings or wakes are normally connected to Roman Catholicism, but sometimes they are conducted by a family of different faiths. If no priest will be present, then a Protestant pastor might be looked at as one who should do something. If this is the case, you might want to choose some passages of Scripture to read and pray. The rest of the time can be left for family to mourn together and if the casket is open, for them to say their goodbyes.

The last element, “full burial” follows the graveside service. Some families opt to wait until the casket is lowered and the vault (a concrete protective box) is placed over the casket, and then the whole thing is covered by dirt. In many funeral services, this is done for an extra fee and must be pre-arranged. If this occurs, it extends the time at the cemetery, and can be somewhat traumatic for the family to watch because it involves heavy machinery pounding down the ground to compact the soil. It would be best to know this so the family will be aware of the extra cost and what happens.

My form looks like this:

Funeral Service Planner

Decedent’s Full Name:__________________________________ Age:______ Saved? ____

Viewing/ Wake? Date, Time and Location: ______________________________________

Officiating? ____________________________________ Scripture Reading ____________________________________

Prayer ____________________________________

Other elements? ____________________________________

Memorial Service Date, Time and Location:_________________________________________

Suggested Order of Service (Length of Service? _________)

Welcome _________________________

Opening Prayer
___Scripture Reading _________________________
___Eulogy- Writing _____________________ Reading _________________________

___Video Presentation/Slideshow (How long? ________)

___Family and Friends Memories (Prepared or open? _________ How many?____ )

___Prayer
___Gospel Message

Closing Prayer

Other elements?

Special music? _________________________

Other minister co-officiating? __________________________

Graveside Service? Date, Time and Location: ____________________________________

Scripture Reading (Jn 11:25; Ps 103)

Words of Interment
Prayer

Other elements? ____________________________________

Full burial?

Contact info: Pastor Richard Bargas Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
Email: XXXXXX@gmail.com

When I fill out the above form, I make sure to include as many details as possible. Some things, like particular family involvement, will sometimes be confirmed at a later date. After I have sat and walked through this process with the family, I will usually either photocopy or email a copy of the completed form to the family so they can know the order of the services and who is doing what. This is especially helpful the next day when they have a hard time remembering the meeting details because of their grief.

Normally, people are so overwhelmed with stress and the emotion of the day that they will need to be guided through each service element during the funeral, but it is good and comforting for them to know that you are in charge and know what is happening. I have included at the bottom of my form my church office number and my email in case they needed to get ahold of me, since I sometimes conducted funerals for friends of friends.

One last thing. There is a place in my form for a gospel message in the service. For me, this is a non-negotiable element. I won’t do a funeral if I’m not allowed to freely share the gospel, and I normally only take about 15 minutes to do so. I once had a person say they didn’t want me preaching at their guests. I replied that as a minister of the gospel I don’t know of any other hope to give to people than the hope of salvation in Christ. If they didn’t want this hope presented, then they didn’t want me to conduct the service. I spoke with a gentle but firm resolve. The widow took a second to think about what I said and then agreed that she did want this and asked me to do the service. She even thanked me after the service for the great comfort the Word of God brought. Fellow pastors, don’t fail to point the grieving to Christ, our only hope!

Below you can download a PDF copy of my form. Be aware that the contact info at the bottom of the form is no longer valid for me, so please don’t try to contact me at the phone number or email address.

funeral-service-plannerDownload

Our Great Resurrection Hope (part 2)

/ Richard Bargas / 2 Comments

On this Good Friday, we have a wonderful opportunity to meditate not only upon the death of Christ, but upon the hope of his resurrection. Yesterday I posted the first of Four Assurances that Jesus’ Resurrection Gives Those Who are Followers of Jesus Christ: Christ’s Resurrection Guarantees the Christian’s Resurrection. You can read that post here: https://always-reforming.com/?p=1859

Christ’s Resurrection Reverses the Curse of Humanity (1 Corinthians 15:21-22)

“For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive.” (1 Corinthians 15:21–22, ESV)

In these next two verses, Paul reviews for the church what they already knew, but needed to connect to the resurrection of Jesus. Paul addressed the reality that all people die, and that is why there is a need for resurrection.

Paul lays down two parallel ideas—first, that death came to all of humanity through a single man, Adam, in the Garden of Eden, when he disobeyed God.

Then, secondly, resurrection of the dead has come to humanity through another single person, Jesus Christ, who on the cross obeyed God by dying in the sinner’s place.

Verse 21 gives a profound truth that the world we live in simply cannot grasp as it should. We find that people in general think that they are good people, maybe a little flawed, but good at heart. Nothing serious. Of course, there are a few bad apples that mess things up for the world. But most people are good.

But in the Garden, there was one law given by God. Don’t eat the fruit. That was it. One law. And Adam and Eve broke it. One law. And what was the penalty? Death. A broken relationship with God and death.

Now look at verse 22. It gives more detail regarding verse 21. It uses names here. “As in Adam all die.” Paul is assuming we all know this. Why did my grandparents die, even though they were super sweet people? Because Adam sinned, and all his children sin and the penalty of sin is death.

So, what does that say about my sweet grandparents? They were sinners. And no matter how good you think you are, you will show that you are a sinner in God’s eyes because all sinners die. Death isn’t natural. God didn’t make men to die. He made them to be immortal. Sin brought death. All sinners die.

We all associate with the first man, Adam, who represents us as the human race. He is our head, or leader.

But the second part is true as well. Verse 22 says, “so also in Christ shall all be made alive!”

Here, Christ is described as being a representative just like Adam is. Adam represents the human race. Jesus represents his followers, those who forsake everything and follow Christ. Those who place their every hope and trust in him. Those who are truly children of God and have attached themselves to Christ. Is that you? If it is, then this speaks to you!

Paul is speaking here of the reversal of the curse of sin and death that was brought upon the human race by Adam’s disobedience.

In Romans 5:12 Paul wrote, “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—” (Romans 5:12, ESV) 

And in 1Corinthians 1:18, Paul wrote, “For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

Those who don’t trust in Jesus Christ for salvation see the death of Christ as foolish, and we as Christians are foolish too. But these are the ones that are perishing in their sins. 

Have you ever gotten yourself in a jam that you simply couldn’t fix? That’s what the human race did when Adam disobeyed God and sinned. It reminds me of when we have gone fishing when my girls were much younger. Sometimes they would get their fishing line all tangled up and the reel looked like a bird’s nest of fishing line. Sometimes they tried to fix it, but soon realized it was too tangled, so they’d give it to me or my wife. Sometimes it was so bad all we could do was cut the line and start over.

Some people approach their tangled up sin-filled lives like that. They pridefully say its not that bad, and they try too “fix” it themselves. Sometimes they take it to others who claim to be experts for help. But these “experts” have a mess in their own sin. Some take their sin-filled lives to Jesus Christ. He alone can fix it. 

On the outside it looks like we are all the same. We are all heading toward death—both Christian and unbeliever. But there is a difference. The Christians identifies himself with Christ, and in doing so he joins Christ in the resurrection that will come one day.

But the unbeliever is still identified with Adam. In Adam all die. We are all in Adam and so we all feel the effects of the curse of death. But in Christ those who identify with Christ in faith shall be made alive because Christ’s Resurrection Reverses the Curse of Humanity.

Don’t Cover Your Cracks with Plaster

/ Richard Bargas / 1 Comment

A few nights ago I awoke with the aches and pains of a sickness I have been fighting for a few days. Unable to sleep, I started to reflect upon all the friends and loved ones that are struggling with pain and suffering to a much greater degree. I thought about those who are facing a crumbling marriage, the loss of a spouse, the onset of a disease that will take their life. I lay in the dark and considered the deep comfort that we have in Christ.

The Christian life is not an easy one, and may even be fraught with greater struggles because of our commitment to follow Christ whatever the cost. But there is no accounting for the presence of Christ in the midst of these struggles.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, the world is watching. Please do not show them a perfect, polished life free of any pain or sorrow. Such a life does not exist in this broken world. Show them that you too are cracked and flawed, just as they are. Show them that you too struggle with weaknesses and doubts. And then show them that our God sent his Son for us, to bring us safely to his promised land. He gives his Spirit so that as we sit in pain and doubt we will know his supernatural presence and find comfort.

As you listen to the song below, remember that we must sometimes fight for faith to know the joy of the Lord—and in the end, Jesus will be victorious. Like Job, we may not always understand, but we trust.

Rejoicing in Trials? Yes!

/ Richard Bargas / 2 Comments

Circumstances do not bring joy, only Christ does. The Apostle Paul’s outlook on his own life was that it was not his own, that he was a servant of Jesus Christ first and foremost. He said that in his opening words to the Philippian church. Paul derives his joy from his identity as a servant, so that he does not look primarily to his circumstance, but to his fulfillment of his Master’s will. Endurance through trials is not a work of the flesh, but a work of the Spirit.

This is something that the world cannot understand at all. For a world without God, when suffering comes, they often seek the quickest route out. The world does not see any benefit for suffering and pain. As a matter of fact, when they see a Christian suffer, they can sometimes mock us, and ask where our God is. Why doesn’t he relieve our suffering when we have been so faithful to serve him?

Paul is helping the Philippian church to see that his imprisonment is not the worst thing that could happen to him. Discontentment is worse. Joylessness is worse.

In Philippians 1:15-18, Paul sat in a prison cell, yet was filled with joy in the continued preaching of the gospel. He was not bitter about the fact that he wanted to be out doing the work of the ministry. And he wasn’t bitter about those who were free, and used their freedom to preach the gospel, not to serve Christ, but to jab at Paul! Paul ended his thought in verse 18 with “in that I will rejoice.” Christ was being glorified. How could anything be better?

But as Paul thought for a second, he realized that there were reasons for continued rejoicing beyond just the present preaching of the Word. Let’s look at a few of these reasons that he laid out for rejoicing:

Rejoice in the Prayers of the Saints (v.19)

Paul writes how he can rejoice because he knows that the brothers and sisters in Philippi are praying for him. In Philippians 4:1 Paul has mentioned that he constantly kept the church in his prayers, and he is aware that they have done the same for him. This is a greater challenge in the church today because our society tends toward more and more isolation. We might see what you eat on Facebook or Instagram, and hear about how great your vacation was, but the real issues in our lives are kept hidden.

In general, we shouldn’t overshare. We need to be wise about what we say and to whom we say it. But in matters of praying for one another, we need to grow deeper without going into gossip or unnecessary details. The example we see from Paul was that he shared himself with the church. He shared his thoughts, his fears, his needs, and his weaknesses. This type of transparency allowed the church to better pray for him. And in this prayerfulness for one another, Paul could rejoice. He knew that the church was praying for him in his struggles and trials. And he prayed for their welfare as their spiritual father. But prayer is not all that was needed. He adds, “and…”

Rejoice in the Help of the Spirit (v. 19)

Paul’s joy was based upon much more than the faithful prayers of the saints in Philippi. Prayer is only as good as the God to whom we pray. The intercession of the saints must be accompanied by a movement of God. Our prayers shouldn’t stop until God answers one way or another. Paul knows that something will happen when the saints pray and the Spirit “helps.” This is really where Paul finds his assurance. His confidence comes with the working of the Lord.

The word “help” (ESV) is an unfortunate rendering because it seems such a weak word. The KJV’s “supply” is a little better, but still doesn’t give the best picture of the critical nature here. The Greek word epichoragia is a word that is used in Ephesians 4:16 to speak about a ligament that serves to support the body: “from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:16, ESV)

That is the kind of “help” the Spirit is. Without him, we are crippled spiritually. We cannot go on. He is that critical. The Spirit’s help is not like an assistant, whom we can do without. He is like a knee joint for a sprinter—invaluable. The reference to “the Spirit of Jesus Christ” means the Holy Spirit. He is the One who will bring about Paul’s “deliverance.”

But what sort of deliverance was Paul expecting? Some have thought that maybe this salvation is from his situation—temporal salvation; others have thought that it was spiritual. Perhaps Paul was thinking about the fact that whether he lived on and was freed or whether he died a martyr’s death, he would be saved. The Spirit of Jesus would deliver him from death, or deliver him from this life through death. Either way, Paul would be set free in some form or another.

Where we set our eyes changes what we see. If we set our eyes on Christ, we see hope. Christ delivers from the challenges we face today, and he has conquered our sin, winning for us salvation and eternal life. But when we put our eyes on our problems, on the circumstances that we are in the middle of, our vision is clouded. We can be given over to despair and hopelessness. Paul could have easily gone there as he sat in prison. But he knew he had good friends praying for him, and that the Spirit of Jesus was working it all out. He would get out of that prison, and either he would be reunited with his friends, or he would be safe in the arms of Jesus.

What about you? Are you trusting in the Lord to deliver you in your times of need? Have you forgotten the power of God? Stop trusting in your own strength. Stop seeking to be the answer to your own prayers. Depend upon the Lord’s strength. Why are you downcast? It is because you have placed your hopes in something other than the Lord. Hope in God. Finally, we need to…

Rejoice in Expected Courage (v. 20)

Paul is eager to see where the Lord is directing him. He knows the prayers are for his release, and he knows that the Spirit is at work, but the future is still unclear. When Paul says he has “eager expectation,” this idea pictures a person straining his neck to see what is ahead just around the bend. It is a great word. Paul isn’t dreading the future, he is embracing it. He is hopeful!

    So, what are the possibilities? He expects that whatever happens, he will not be ashamed. Why would he be? He is not a criminal. He is on trial for the gospel. He has no remorse in prison. He would do it all over again. He has glorified his Lord in his ministry.

Let me ask you, are you ready to meet the Lord today? Would you be ashamed of what you have accomplished in your short life on this planet? Are you banking on the next 10-20 years to make something of your life for Christ? That is borrowed time, my friends. It may never come. You need to put your life in order today. You don’t want to be lying in a hospital bed thinking about how ashamed you will be to face the Lord because your life was only a pursuit of personal desires.

Instead, Paul was anticipating having a lion’s heart to face whatever would happen. He expected to have “full courage” for whatever he faced. You see, if he was released from prison, his message of the risen Christ would be vindicated in many people’s eyes. And if he received the death penalty, then he expected to be filled with courage just as much. How? It had to do with how he had been as a servant. You see, Paul wasn’t only speaking about the courageous death he would face—courage as he faced the executioner.

Whether he lived or died was inconsequential. Eager expectation, hope, and courage marked Paul’s outlook. Paul’s lion-like boldness was based upon the salvation won for him at the cross and how he had remained faithful to his Master. Paul was ready to die well.

With heaven before us, what do we really need to fear? Jesus has conquered sin and death. Our best days are ahead of us. Christ is King! Let us have courage to face the uncertain future knowing that the face of Christ and eternal life is a certainty!

When the Tempest Passes

/ Richard Bargas / Leave a comment

“When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more,
but the righteous is established forever.” (Proverbs 10:25)

We have all had hard times in our lives, but sometimes it seems like wave after wave of bad news keeps crashing against us, giving us little time to catch our breath. This year has felt like that to many, maybe even you.

Sometimes, in the midst of that constant barrage, we can begin to feel like we are losing our grip, like the darkness will swallow us, and we will be lost. Can I point to some hope in these times? “When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more, but the righteous is established forever.” (Proverbs 10:25)

What a great verse to remember for 2020. Every tempest and storm in life passes. The question we need to answer is, will we be standing on the other side? For the follower of Christ, the answer is an exuberant “yes!”

The tempest in your life might not be a person, it might be sickness, or financial troubles. It could be heartbreak, or maybe loss of a loved one. These too will pass. The sin which has brought into our world death, destruction, disease, calamity, and wicked people has been defeated upon the cross.

One day soon, the Lord will return and the storm will pass. One day, all will be made right in this world and all evil, and every effect from the fall will be brought to perfect righteousness.

The tempest will pass. Cling to Jesus in the storm. But if you feel your grip begin to slip, don’t worry. He is holding you firmly in his hands. And nothing can snatch you away.