Help for New Pastors-Planning a Funeral

April 5, 2021April 4, 2021 / Richard Bargas / 1 Comment

Although there isn’t a substitute for actually conducting a funeral yourself, it is possible to be better prepared to have those conversations that will make for a better memorial and graveside service. Like many things in pastoral ministry, after struggling to figure out how to do something as a new pastor, I figured out a way that worked for me and then standardized a format that made my “system” repeatable.

After being contacted by a church member or someone who has lost a loved one, it is best to set a day and time as soon as possible to meet together to talk about planning their service(s). Because most people have been to a funeral, we can assume that they might have some idea about how they would want the service of their loved one to be ordered. That assumption is almost 99% incorrect. Most people have no idea how a service should be ordered, what elements they might want to include, who they want to speak, or even how long they want the service to be.

We obviously think about the need for comfort as a part of ministering to those who are mourning, but part of bringing comfort is helping the loved ones walk through a very confusing and difficult time by leading and guiding them through a very scary and unfamiliar process.

I developed my Funeral Service Planner as a way of walking through the typical services that people desire for a funeral, including a viewing/wake, memorial service, and graveside service. I not only ask about the particular elements that the family might want, but I also mark the order of each element in the service as well as which family members will be involved. The lines to the right are for names of those involved, including the pastor, if desired. The short lines to the left of service elements are to place a number for the order of the element when it will occur in the service.

Viewings or wakes are normally connected to Roman Catholicism, but sometimes they are conducted by a family of different faiths. If no priest will be present, then a Protestant pastor might be looked at as one who should do something. If this is the case, you might want to choose some passages of Scripture to read and pray. The rest of the time can be left for family to mourn together and if the casket is open, for them to say their goodbyes.

The last element, “full burial” follows the graveside service. Some families opt to wait until the casket is lowered and the vault (a concrete protective box) is placed over the casket, and then the whole thing is covered by dirt. In many funeral services, this is done for an extra fee and must be pre-arranged. If this occurs, it extends the time at the cemetery, and can be somewhat traumatic for the family to watch because it involves heavy machinery pounding down the ground to compact the soil. It would be best to know this so the family will be aware of the extra cost and what happens.

My form looks like this:

Funeral Service Planner

Decedent’s Full Name:__________________________________ Age:______ Saved? ____

Viewing/ Wake? Date, Time and Location: ______________________________________

Officiating? ____________________________________ Scripture Reading ____________________________________

Prayer ____________________________________

Other elements? ____________________________________

Memorial Service Date, Time and Location:_________________________________________

Suggested Order of Service (Length of Service? _________)

Welcome _________________________

Opening Prayer
___Scripture Reading _________________________
___Eulogy- Writing _____________________ Reading _________________________

___Video Presentation/Slideshow (How long? ________)

___Family and Friends Memories (Prepared or open? _________ How many?____ )

___Prayer
___Gospel Message

Closing Prayer

Other elements?

Special music? _________________________

Other minister co-officiating? __________________________

Graveside Service? Date, Time and Location: ____________________________________

Scripture Reading (Jn 11:25; Ps 103)

Words of Interment
Prayer

Other elements? ____________________________________

Full burial?

Contact info: Pastor Richard Bargas Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
Email: XXXXXX@gmail.com

When I fill out the above form, I make sure to include as many details as possible. Some things, like particular family involvement, will sometimes be confirmed at a later date. After I have sat and walked through this process with the family, I will usually either photocopy or email a copy of the completed form to the family so they can know the order of the services and who is doing what. This is especially helpful the next day when they have a hard time remembering the meeting details because of their grief.

Normally, people are so overwhelmed with stress and the emotion of the day that they will need to be guided through each service element during the funeral, but it is good and comforting for them to know that you are in charge and know what is happening. I have included at the bottom of my form my church office number and my email in case they needed to get ahold of me, since I sometimes conducted funerals for friends of friends.

One last thing. There is a place in my form for a gospel message in the service. For me, this is a non-negotiable element. I won’t do a funeral if I’m not allowed to freely share the gospel, and I normally only take about 15 minutes to do so. I once had a person say they didn’t want me preaching at their guests. I replied that as a minister of the gospel I don’t know of any other hope to give to people than the hope of salvation in Christ. If they didn’t want this hope presented, then they didn’t want me to conduct the service. I spoke with a gentle but firm resolve. The widow took a second to think about what I said and then agreed that she did want this and asked me to do the service. She even thanked me after the service for the great comfort the Word of God brought. Fellow pastors, don’t fail to point the grieving to Christ, our only hope!

Below you can download a PDF copy of my form. Be aware that the contact info at the bottom of the form is no longer valid for me, so please don’t try to contact me at the phone number or email address.

funeral-service-planner Download

Don’t Cover Your Cracks with Plaster (weekend repost)

March 21, 2021 / Richard Bargas / Leave a comment

A few nights ago I awoke with the aches and pains of a sickness I have been fighting for a few days. Unable to sleep, I started to reflect upon all the friends and loved ones that are struggling with pain and suffering to a much greater degree. I thought about those who are facing a crumbling marriage, the loss of a spouse, the onset of a disease that will take their life. I lay in the dark and considered the deep comfort that we have in Christ.

Read the rest of the post here: Don’t Cover Your Cracks with Plaster

The Sin of Standing Back and Watching When Help is Needed (weekend repost)

March 7, 2021March 5, 2021 / Richard Bargas / Leave a comment

I want us as Christians to think about how we behave in regard to stepping in and offering help to those who are our brothers and sisters in Christ when there is a chance that we might get berated, burned, verbally beaten, or worse.

Read the full post here: The Sin of Standing Back and Watching When Help Is Needed

The Ministry Is No Place for Lazy Men

August 2, 2014August 1, 2014 / Richard Bargas / Leave a comment

“The ministerial work must be carried on diligently and laboriously, as being of such unspeakable consequence to ourselves and others. We are seeking to uphold the world, to save it from the curse of God, to perfect the creation, to attain the ends of Christ’s death, to save ourselves and others from damnation, to overcome the devil, and demolish his kingdom, to set up the kingdom of Christ, and to attain and help others to the kingdom of glory. And are these works to be done with a careless mind, or a lazy hand? O see, then, that this work be done with all your might! Study hard, for the well is deep, and our brains are shallow; and, as Cassiodorus says: ‘Here the common level of knowledge is not to be the limit; here a true ambition is demonstrated; the more a deep knowledge is sought after, the greater the honor in attaining it.’ But especially be laborious in the practice and exercise of your knowledge. Let Paul’s words ring continually in your ears, ‘Necessity is laid upon me; yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel! ”

—Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor

Help For New Expositors: Applying the Bible to Your Hearers

July 29, 2014May 24, 2018 / Richard Bargas / 4 Comments

In some circles, there is a question whether the preacher needs to apply the Word of God or whether that is strictly the domain of the Holy Spirit. I don’t think there needs to be an either/or question about application. When John the Baptist preached about repentance, those who heard him asked what exactly they were to do to prove they had truly repented (Lk 3:10-14). John gladly gave specifics for each group of people present. The fact remains that you are to bring the Word of God to bear upon the hearts and lives of your hearers. This is assumed in the preaching act.

Find the universal principle(s) given in the biblical text. Some passages have clear applications while others you will need to find the timeless, universal principle that can be applied to your hearers.
Meditate on how you will respond to the text.
- Does this text impact your life?
- What will you now do, believe, be thankful for or repent of?
- If you can’t answer, neither will your listener know what to do, either.
Think about your listeners.
- Who are they? (What are their careers, education, marital status, children, etc.?)
- What are they going through right now? (joys, trials, spiritual life)
- How will this text impact them when they hear it?
- Will it help them? How?
Be pointed and specific.
- Don’t fall into the trap of just telling people to “pray more” or “read your Bible more” or “have more faith.” Tell them how.
- Be specific enough that they have a few ideas about how they can apply the text—this is helpful for the newer believer.
- Be generic enough that the more mature believers can see other application in their own life outside of your suggestions.
- Use “You” in your application. Don’t shy away from being the messenger of God. He is speaking to them through his Word.
Point people to the Cross and the Holy Spirit
- You don’t want to err into moralism, where your sermon application simply tells the listener to “be better” or “do more.” Unbelievers and believers alike need to know that the imperatives can only be accomplished because of Christ’s atoning work on the cross through the power of the Holy Spirit.
- Preach the need for Christ to unbelievers who are unable to obey without salvation. If you do not, at best you will frustrate your hearers; at worst you will lull them into a self-righteousness that only condemns.
- Preach the necessary power of the Holy Spirit for the believer to change.
- Preach the Gospel! As Spurgeon said, “Make a bee-line to the cross.”